I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
