thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
