Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
