Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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