Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i'm inner monologue high
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am one with the molecules
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
