if i can run in heels then i can drive
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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