Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
