It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
