I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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