i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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