none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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