Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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