Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
