I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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