He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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