maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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