my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
