Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
