Redeem this text for a blowjob
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
