I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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