remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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