I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
