I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sext me about skeletons
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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