wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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