I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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