I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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