dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
