thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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