I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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