the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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