The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
