i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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