Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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