I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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