I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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