why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
