He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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