I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
