I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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