Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's great music for shaving your balls
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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