I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
