Plan B is the new Plan A
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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