Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
