conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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