Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
