Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
