Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
