His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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