i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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