He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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