this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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